The last goodbye

It’s Friday, May 3 and I am in Västerås to say goodbye. Me and Linda drove down together and in the car we talked and sang and had a good time. I thought I had worked past the worst of it all, but then I saw them outside the church. My dear friends and colleagues who have all laughed, hiked, sung and had coffee with her.

Familiar faces sharing the grief with me, saying the last goodbye.

And so the tears came, and my gosh I could not stop. But to cry together with friends is such a powerful thing. In each others hugs we found strength and we squeezed each others hands tight as the church bells tolled for Angeliqa. Moss and pinecones and beautiful flowers where all around you, and amidst all the lush greens stood your hiking boots.

Together we got to talk about our fond memories of you, we got to cry and even laugh a little as we thought about your fascination with Fazer chocolate, sausage-dogs and Thunder. We will always remember Angeliqa as a strong, positive woman who really made an impact on the hiking culture in Sweden, and inspired so many of us to head out on our own adventures – not for prestige or glory but just to enjoy nature and the positive effects it has on us. But it is also so important that we do not forget that her energy and strength ran out. We must continue talking about the fact that amidst all her laughter and success, she got lost and did not find the way back to us.

Angeliqa is one of many dear friends I have met through this world of working as an influencer, and she together with my other friends have made a huge impact on me and changed me forever. This weekend I was so grateful to meet all the others and share this moment together.

On our way back home we decided to stop by Maria and spend a night there. The evening sun shining in through the windows, a home made pie, cuddles with the dogs and cat, beer, good conversations and even more laughter was like medicine for the soul and I think we all felt a little bit better afterwards. In the morning her husband baked scones, I had a few too many cups of coffee and enjoyed the countryside nature before we got in the car and drove the last bit home. I am tired and I feel like I’ve cried until I ran out of tears, but I also feel relief and like my grief is slowly settling in where it’s a little bit more manageable.

Angeliqa. I love you and you are missed. I feel so incredibly sorry that you fell into darkness and that you saw no way out. I will try to honour you by talking more about hardships and asking those I care about how they are truly doing.

Every cup of black coffee and every step taken in my hiking boots will be for you. May you forever hike in peace.